Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
it's like heaven, but drunker
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
