Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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