You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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