I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
