I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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