I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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