I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
