Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
