some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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