You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
