Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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