So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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