tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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