Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
