Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
