I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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