I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
