The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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