FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
