i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
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