arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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