to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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