I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize