Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
