Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
