9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
