Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize