So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
