I need to stop coming to work sober
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
