so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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