he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
