look no pants
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
