nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
