if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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