let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
