last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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