Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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