evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
