rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
