Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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