ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
