He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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