I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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