i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
