I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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