honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
