so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
