its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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