i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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