I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
