I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
