Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
