Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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