I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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