As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
