you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I party with great urgency now.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize