You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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