Barsexuality is the new black.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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