You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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