some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
