I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
