ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
