oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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