chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
