he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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