batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just cropdusted the office
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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