Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think my vagina is haunted
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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