I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize