did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
