Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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