I think I died a long time ago.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
