Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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