the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
