Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
