So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
