Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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