Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
