So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
