I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
