Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
