I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
