you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
