Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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