One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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