I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
