Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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