worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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