HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
