On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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