we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
