Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize