exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
