I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
