i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
