Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize