need another drink. this is the easiest way
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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