Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
