In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize