Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
