i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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