I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
