I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
