Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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