I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
