Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
