I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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